i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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