just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
