I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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