PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
