there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
