Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
