I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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