i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
