Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So drunk its hurt
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
