you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
