so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
