very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
