I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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