she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
home. puking in laundry basket.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
