i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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