Don't make out with my wife yet
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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