perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
