my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
