I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
