hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
