hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
