I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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