I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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