whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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