blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
