yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
