My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
