So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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