he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
