Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
