He uses pillows to masturbate.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
