I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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