I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
