i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I would ride that face into the sunset
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
