GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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