All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
