I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
