Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
