The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
two words...techno handjob
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
