She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
