My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
