I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
