I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she woke up with a sticky ear
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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