How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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