Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
