I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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