you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
