i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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