How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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