I got chris browned last night
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
