I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
