I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
