Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
